Let me see if I can explain.

That man has an overwhelming maleness about him. He is there, and I can feel him there, dominating, emananting, filling the room with himself. It's not just a general "Come and have sex with me" vibe, although that is there too. I close my eyes and I can see him as naked as any child who experiences the joy of escaping his diapers and running out of the house, and there is that sort of joy in the feeling. He does radiate "I have a penis and I know what it's for" but it's not just sex. Men have mental penises that they use to determine their compentence and eagerness to do anything.

"It is time to shovel the walk," they think. "Therefore, I must get out my penis, and I shall shovel the walk. It shall be done with great flair and precision, and when the neighbors go by, they shall be astounded by the efforts of my penis." This is how every man thinks, deep inside.

There is more there, with Tony. It is like wolves. He entered the pack as the Alpha. He has never been the zeta or the omega. He has always been without flaws. He would take care of me in every way he could, whether it be in the bedroom, or stocking my dream kitchen, fulfilling my fabric desires, being a loyal and dependable father, or ballancing the checkbook. He would do anything I asked. He would anticipate needs I never knew I had until I saw them fulfilled by him.

He is a god.

I am changed in knowing he exists. I had never believed before. I do not know what I should do. My memory is not so easily scrubbed when my soul has been touched.  ¶ 1:30 AM