I am 35 years old. I am just as fucked up as when I was 13.

No. That's not right. When I was 13, I wasn't all that fucked up. I had my problems with God, but I didn't have trouble with myself in a larger context of social and mental health. My biggest conflict was rationalizing Creationism vs. Evolution, and when I learned that God's Time doesn't have to be the same thing as our time, that conflict managed to sort itself out. Then I truly learned what a metaphor could be.

I still believe in God. It's this Jesus stuff I have trouble with.

But at 13, I knew what I wanted to do with my life. I wanted to write. I wanted to be a wife and a mother. I wanted to be famous. I wanted to sing and/or act. And of course, I knew I could do it all. I could do anything I wanted to.

What the fuck happened? Where did I get derailed? When did I stop knowing I could do everything?

Why I am settling on just... being a wife? When did I let Fear take over? More importantly, how to do I get over it and take back control?   ¶ 1:18 PM