And last night, I dreamed.

It was an evening wandering. There was a lot of music... but no Tony. No, I did not hear Tony. Everyone was there. Everyone I knew, even the old bitch next door, and we are all young together. Dressed up and pretending to be adults. And I watched the couples form, and people paired off.

But I was alone and confused.

Until he came. He wasn't tall, or handsome, or even remotely charming. But he looked at me. At all of me. And he smiled. Such a big warm smile.

So I took his hand. And he led me through the corridors of the place, until we found a place where we could be alone.

There was a mattress, and some rumpled blankets. But it didn't smell. Nothing smells. It was clean.

And only then did I realize that as we had gone walking, that he had turned invisible, and I could no longer see him. But I could feel the warmth of his hand as he pulled me down beside him. I could feel his moist breath and knew his mouth was close to mine, and I closed my eyes for his kiss...

But it wasn't a kiss. The suction was too powerful. I couldn't tell if he was trying to suck me in or if I was trying to absorb him. And that terrifying moment went on forever before I found his chest with my hands and PUSHED.

Gasping, he appeared next to me. He just looked at me. And I looked at him.

I knew then I did not want to lose myself in him. Or anyone else.

I got up from the mattress and turned to go.

Only now, the room no longer had a door.

I looked at him again. And he smiled.

I woke up crying. And Frank could never understand why I could not stand his touch just then.
  ¶ 9:48 PM