Out of Charater Post.

I wrote this post for elsewhere, but then after I finished writing it, it did not seem appropriate there. So this is me, Georg, the woman behind the curtain posting. I may post more often if I post here as myself sometimes, who knows- maybe someone will find it interesting. If I post as me alone, I'll mark it as Out of Chracter. Otherwise, please assume it's still Jeannie as normal.

I do not love my husband in spite of his faults. I love him, in large part, because of them. They are part of him. I have accepted this. I have done my best to understand him and take him for what he is. While there are aspects that I do not like (like the smoking habit), I do not nag him to change. I believe this is a waste of my time. He knows my opinion on the subject- I see no need to nag about it.

In exchange for accepting who he is, he accepts me for what I am. Unshaved legs and all. That acceptance of who I am is beyond any value I can place. We agreed when we first started seeing each other that we would speak our minds and be honest with each other. Sure, the truth can hurt. But that pink elephant in the middle of the room hiding behind white lies is far more toxic to a good relationship. While a wise man will answer No when asked, "Do I look fat in this?"-- the wise woman will never ask.

I know I'm not without my own collection of difficulties and that I can be hard to deal with, in part due to my physical limitations (violent allergies to perfumes and cleaners). And he has willingly learned to cope with my problems as I have learned to cope with his.

Relationships are about compromises and figuring out what works to make the relationship work and your partner at least content, if not happy, without too much of your own expense. That's why it's give and take. I could rant for days about the fairy tale of one kiss and it's all golden- NOTHING works like that outside of stories. Frankly, I recommend to all my friends before they get married to ask themselves- if that person could no longer physically have sex for the rest of their lives, would I still want to spend the rest of my life in a committed relationship with them? And if the answer is yes, then you should get married. Because that *can* happen, and life with that person with no sex should be better than life without them, with or without sex. Finding your companion is difficult, and it's easier to literally stumble on them than to actively search.

Sex sells in modern advertising. It's cheap. It hits literally below the belt. It's natural to have a glandular response to such things. But the mature person is able to think without involving the glands. The mature person thinks using the brain and not the gonads, and determines for themselves if they wish to use whatever the sex is trying to sell. It doesn't matter what the sex is trying to sell you- whether it's a hot member of your gender or preference trying to sell themselves to you for a relationship, or a sandwich, or a TV show. It's up to the consumer to determine for themselves to think with their brain instead of their gonads as to whether or not it's worth it. This is a sign of maturity. Sometimes, I don't mind being led by my gonads- but I make the choice to do so. Most of the time, my brain is in charge, and I can't help but feel sorry for the idiots incapable of going beyond thinking with gonads.

I have tried for a very long time not to see the sexes differently. In our cores, there's a lot of thinking that we do that is identical. I have always loved books where the hero overcomes huge obstacles to rescue the object of the hero's affections- regardless of who has a penis or who has tits (or if they match). I like books better when the person in the jam rescues themselves (especially when they meet their would-be rescuerer halfway), and I truly wish I had read more of these when I was younger. What is different is the outer socialized shells and how we treat others- and very few people have the gift of stepping truly into the skin of another person to understand their own bigotry. Tolerance and communication, open honesty solves most of these problems. However, it is so rarely employed equally. Some times, the hardest skill is to just listen, and not just wait your turn to speak or spend more time analyzing the spin than what is actually there.

I remember one year submitting as my kissmoose wish list: Patience, Love and Understanding. I was terribly hurt when the list was handed back to me with a confused, "That's nice, dear. Now pick out something real." That's still on my wishlist, but at least I get some from my friends and Jazz. I wish everyone had more patience, love and understanding. Empathy and honesty are wonderful treasures.

Be who you are first. Embrace who you are and to thine own self be true. If anyone tries to get you to change that, learn why - listen. Judge for yourself if the tradeoffs are worth while. And never let anyone steal your joy.  ¶ 11:34 AM