Have you ever wanted to really go back to a certain date and time and knock yourself-then out and played at stand-in, just to change the course of your personal history? To prevent one event from happening or maybe just a warning of what might be to come? Or even just sit down with yourself and say, "Hey, stupid! These were the warning signs! You knew what they were! Why didn't you do something about them then!"

I probably would have ignored me. It's all just little things. Tiny things. Insignificant things that didn't mean much at that time. But wind and rain are usually little things too, and they can move mountains given enough time.

I have tried to think of all the times where I may have met Tony before. Where we almost did. I could have sat by him on the bus, or gone to his first show in the coffeehouse, if I had lived in that neighborhood at that age. I would have, if I had done what I wanted to straight out of high school- head for California and try to be a star. It could have been me he took to the last Award show. We probably could have had a really good time.

But what would that future self warn me about? Don't sniff the flour? That other person has only got a casting couch and no cast? Don't take your clothes off when you dance on the tables? Who knows what I would have could have done.

The only way to find out what I am capable of doing is by actually doing. So we shall see. There must be change, because I cannot continue like this.  ¶ 5:12 PM