OT/OOC

Dead Bird Day is my least favorite holiday. I like eating birds. I like eating good food. Pumpkin pie is my favorite pie. But I hate this holiday with a passion, because I cannot simply ignore it the way an athiest can ignore Easter. I have no children but those with four legs and whiskers. Therefore I am Expected to travel. I must visit my parents. I must visit the sweetie's parents. Really, none of these people are an anathema to me- I can get along with his family and I adore my family. But I have to travel with dog and sweetie, and the sweetie becomes even more of a grumpy butt than I am, so we grumble along like bears the entire trip. Bears, in case you do not know your wildlife, do not associate very well together unless they are children or trying to have sex. My sweetie and I are doing neither on this trip. We try not to fight- neither of us is truly mad or blaming each other for this obligation, but both of us resent it, and the resentment can fill the car and just crush me with the tension of it.

I am glad to sit in my mother's kitchen and talk, even though she rarely lets me actually help. I am 36 and she does not believe I am capable of cooking. That's okay, I don't think she's very good at it either, so we're even. But it's still a comfort to discuss anything that comes to mind, and I forget to call her as often as I should. Kitchens are a source of comfort to me. I can tell you everything about my grandmothers' kitchens, as well as every kitchen I've ever owned. I like sitting down with my father and discussing things with him. But I see him now as often as I did as a child, and sometimes I don't think I know him very well at all. Neither of them are old yet, but I see the changes in them now that time brings. I don't know how much longer I will have them, and I know already the shape of the hole they will leave behind. My brother may make the effort to be there when I am- if he does, the noise of his children often drives me out sooner. My dog does not agree with children.

And then his family. While I can get along, I feel so fake pasting on a smile and trying very hard to be friendly. I don't know these strangers and they don't really know me. I watch the small slights happen and try to moderate them, if possible, but mostly it's not my place to say anything. The food is good. It's very good. I think this year, I'll try to remember to bring my own tupperware, since she always wants to send us home with pie.

It's probably awful to resent having to go on This Day and no other. But I have to be honest enough to admit, if there was no holiday, I would keep putting it off. I keep thinking, I'll see them soon, but I get busy and I let other things fill my days, and I put it off and I forget. I *like* visiting them. I just don't do it often enough.  ¶ 9:55 AM