OT/OOC

Two days ago I had a very distrubing dream. I dream most often in stories. I can be the main character, I can be watching the camera angle of the story involving other people, I can be a side character to the main action, and even more confusing, the viewpoints can shift. In this dream, I did not know Jazz. My affections were centered on someone I barely remember knowing, Jeshua, brother of an ex of mine. He was the hero of the story-dream. He had been asked in his duties as an Air Force Ranger (which last I heard he went for training for in 1992 or so) to infiltrate a group of rebels somewhere. I'm not sure where the hazel eyed, honey-brown colored, well-tanned gent would fit in "as a rebel" but he was in an alley. I stood at the mouth of the street, having just watched him greet a bunch of his "new friends" when a head hancho of some type accused them all of being spies. He took out a gun and shot Jeshua in front of me. And I could feel the null space of someone who died in front of me.

The only reason this dream truly bothers me is because I have started to worry about if he really is dead or not. Yeah it was weird in the dream of being attracted to him, because he certainly wasn't all that and a bag of chips when I met him, but I've had weirder dreams than that. I just don't remember watching anyone die. I wake up first, or twist to a different story. There was such a void when he died, and for what I felt was a stupid reason. The void was probably the most disturbing.

And I think about Iraq and Afghanistan and how many voids are being left there. Maybe that's why I needed the reminder. It's so hard to put a human face on the number 2055. But that's 2055 Jeshuas, when losing one is too damn many. :(  ¶ 6:31 AM