OT/OOC

I am surprised by fragility.

I went to visit friends for a meeting and their dog was so happy to see me he peed on my shoe. This is always better than leg humping, so I didn't mind terribly. Then the Wife came home smelling of Body Spray, and it's exactly the wrong scent, annoyingly called "Pear" and I cannot breathe in the house for at least 15 minutes. More friends arrive and we companionably chat outside. I talk about my grandmother again, and I wonder when people are going to get sick of hearing about her, because I am sick of talking about how she died and of course I miss her but really that's none of your damn business and you don't have to be sorry because it's not your fault. And I cannot say that, or they really think I've lost it. I know people mean well, but it's so hard to let anyone see and I don't want to show.

I'm fine when I am busy. Isn't everyone? Don't breathe keep the nose down keep moving keep going and everything will be okay as long as everything gets done. It's when you run out of things to do that you don't know what to do and you can finally let go just a little bit.

Pepe was on my lap tonight. Another white and something purring soft, and tickling me with his tail. Then Spider muscled in and purred in my chin, and all I could think about was Colin. I have found so many new things about Gram, but not one new of Colin. Dammit I hate crying.  ¶ 9:09 PM