OT/OOC

I almost died again today.

The last time I got so close, the ambulance carted me off, I was fed oxygen, and I was fine about 2 hours later. But my joints locked up and I was only seeing a long narrow tunnel of light through the fog.

Today I'm still achy. My throat burns like I've smoked 3 packs of cigarettes and spent the night playing suffleboard in a dive where the beer is sold in shotglasses for a nickel each and the air is so blue everyone looks like animated corpses. But my color has returned to its usual pale instead of the rich crimson blotches and puffiness it was earlier.

I have good friends who know the signs now better than I do. I thank them all. It is good to breathe. Even I can forget sometimes the simple joy of inhale-exhale. Inhale- exhale. It's so simple it goes on without thinking about it.

My SCA arms have a frog on them. Because of the frogs thin skin and their aquatic environments, they are one of the better indicators of environmental problems. Maybe I should put a canary in chief. I'm just as good for either indicator. And I forget sometimes. These new drugs they are testing me on have helped hugely. But I'm still horribly vulnerable, and I forget. I pretend I'm normal now, and I can relax and not worry so much.

Until something like today happens. And I'm sick all over again.

I was outside, where I can usually get fresh air. My survival instincts now rush me outside to the "good fresh air" asap when I react like this. But there wasn't any fresh air, even though there was a good breeze. Apparently someone was burning a very large quantity of industrial hemp rope, and the wind was carrying the smoke. It smelled like pot to everyone there. So there may have been more than just real hemp in there. And I reacted terribly, horribly to it. I'm grateful now I never smoked pot as a younger person.

But now, I'm giving serious thought to something I probably should have done years ago- get a MedicAlert necklace and wear it always. Because as soon as someone came to try and help me, the drugs they want to offer me won't help. I am allergic to anti-histamines and steroids. I just need oxygen and time to get back to normal. I worry if I should carry oxygen around with me for things like this- but this is the second reaction this bad in 10 years. So I probably shouldn't be so paranoid.

But I certainly don't feel well at all tonight. I still have moments of dizzy. I ache still, and my throat... well. I said that. I worry more about tomorrow, but you know, I'll have one. That's good. That's always good.

Inhale. Exhale. Repeat.  ¶ 8:19 PM