Dear Dear Diary
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
OT
Irrational chivalry pisses me off.
I'm part of the SCA. Love the club, really. But one of the ideals is Chivalry, and some of the males use it as an excuse to smother the females, in the guise that they are proving they are men and protecting the women. Most of them don't realize how idiotic it is- just like yelling at the King for carrying his own throne (which I have done). Basic chivalry involves being polite and respectful.
Rules for carrying things:
If you are carrying nothing, and you see someone carrying too much, offer to help them.
If I am carrying something, it is acceptable for anyone to offer to help carry. It is also okay for me to say, "I got it," and that means don't grab it out of my hands. I also may say where there are more things to carry, and it's okay to help or not help. If you say you have it, when I offer to carry something, I will take you at your word. Don't then hand it off to another man, the next person who asks.
If someone else is carrying something and they see me carrying something too, it's not okay to insist on adding my load to theirs, leaving me with nothing to carry. I end up following you with nothing to hold, and I feel like an idiot.
It is not acceptable to refuse my offer to help carry things because I am female. Do Not tell me to go fetch a "real man" to help you carry when I am here and willing to help and I am stronger than I look. Do not insist that only men can move things, because then I just get pissed off. I have put down the cane and pushed a car out of the mud all by myself before.
Opening doors:
All are welcome to open a door for someone else, and hold it as they go through. Ideally, this should be the first person to reach the door, regardless of gender. However, those who are carrying something should have the door held by someone who is not carrying anything, regardless of gender.
Don't drop what you are carrying and run to open a door for me when I am not carrying anything. The temporary president of my college did this to me. I went to a Women's College. I was so mad, I could not say thank you.
Please be gracious and say thank you when I open a door for you. I don't want to argue about who goes first. Particularly when you are carrying something and I am not. I have gotten better mundanely about opening the door, walking through and pushing it so it stays open for the person behind me, which seems to be encouraged in mundanity. But I still prefer holding doors.
If it's my car, I am going to unlock your side first, as you are my guest. Don't be angry with me for this. (an ex-boyfriend used to have a cow about this. He held open the car door for me when it was his car, why cannot I do the same for him? But he never saw that)
Irrational chivalry pisses me off.
I'm part of the SCA. Love the club, really. But one of the ideals is Chivalry, and some of the males use it as an excuse to smother the females, in the guise that they are proving they are men and protecting the women. Most of them don't realize how idiotic it is- just like yelling at the King for carrying his own throne (which I have done). Basic chivalry involves being polite and respectful.
Rules for carrying things:
If you are carrying nothing, and you see someone carrying too much, offer to help them.
If I am carrying something, it is acceptable for anyone to offer to help carry. It is also okay for me to say, "I got it," and that means don't grab it out of my hands. I also may say where there are more things to carry, and it's okay to help or not help. If you say you have it, when I offer to carry something, I will take you at your word. Don't then hand it off to another man, the next person who asks.
If someone else is carrying something and they see me carrying something too, it's not okay to insist on adding my load to theirs, leaving me with nothing to carry. I end up following you with nothing to hold, and I feel like an idiot.
It is not acceptable to refuse my offer to help carry things because I am female. Do Not tell me to go fetch a "real man" to help you carry when I am here and willing to help and I am stronger than I look. Do not insist that only men can move things, because then I just get pissed off. I have put down the cane and pushed a car out of the mud all by myself before.
Opening doors:
All are welcome to open a door for someone else, and hold it as they go through. Ideally, this should be the first person to reach the door, regardless of gender. However, those who are carrying something should have the door held by someone who is not carrying anything, regardless of gender.
Don't drop what you are carrying and run to open a door for me when I am not carrying anything. The temporary president of my college did this to me. I went to a Women's College. I was so mad, I could not say thank you.
Please be gracious and say thank you when I open a door for you. I don't want to argue about who goes first. Particularly when you are carrying something and I am not. I have gotten better mundanely about opening the door, walking through and pushing it so it stays open for the person behind me, which seems to be encouraged in mundanity. But I still prefer holding doors.
If it's my car, I am going to unlock your side first, as you are my guest. Don't be angry with me for this. (an ex-boyfriend used to have a cow about this. He held open the car door for me when it was his car, why cannot I do the same for him? But he never saw that)
Comments:
I remember when I was a kid...hey, kids held doors open for their elders, right? Then I reached "young womanhood" and all the men would hold the door open for me...including the very elderly. We would stand there staring at one another because I couldn't comprehend this role reversal. I also hated it at the college where I used to work when the custodians would drop their mops and run to the door to open it for me, even when I was still 50 feet away and totally empty handed I felt like I was wasting their time as they waited for me to arrive at the doorway. But it was important to be gracious because I'm sure their supervisors had told them this "service" was important.
Dear god. Please understand that holding doors open for any person merely implies a basic understanding of manners and etiquette, rather than some puerile imposition of gender-based patrimony.
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